When you first find out you’re going to be a parent, you start "packing." You pack dreams of Saturday morning soccer games, easy conversations at the dinner table, and a smooth path through school. You pack a mental map of what your life is going to look like.
There is a specific kind of loneliness that comes with raising a child who experiences the world differently. It’s the loneliness of standing in the cereal aisle, watching other parents breeze through their errands while you’re calculating the sensory "cost" of every neon light. It’s the loneliness of scrolling through social media and seeing "perfect" family photos while your living room is currently a barricade of couch cushions and "safe" snacks.
It is one of the most confusing things about raising a child with sensory processing differences. You see them at a Fourth of July parade, cheering for the loud fireworks and the booming bass of the marching band, and you think, Great! They’ve finally outgrown their sound sensitivity. Then, you get home, you turn on the kitchen faucet to wash a dish, and your child covers their ears and has a meltdown.
If you have a child who seems to fight you on every single request—from "please sit down" to "let's go to the park"—you know how exhausting it is. It feels like you are constantly in a power struggle. You might think, Why does he have to make everything so hard? It’s something he actually wants to do!
We’ve all had that Tuesday afternoon. You know the one. Your child comes home from school, you give them a snack, and then you say the dreaded words: "Time to do your math sheet." Suddenly, it’s like you asked them to climb Mount Everest in flip-flops. There are tears, the pencil gets thrown, and you hear the cry: "I can't do it! It's too hard!"
If you have a child who flaps their hands when they’re excited, hums when they’re stressed, or spins in circles just to feel "right," you’ve seen Stimming (Self-Stimulatory Behavior) in action. For a long time, the world taught us that we should try to "stop" these behaviors because they look different. But the modern insight is life-changing: Stimming isn't a problem to be solved; it’s a solution your child’s brain has already found.
It is one of the most frustrating phone calls a parent can get. You pick up the phone and the teacher says, "Your child had a wonderful day! They were so helpful, they followed all the directions, and they were so quiet during the assembly."